What our relationships with our cars tell us

Cars are freedom machines. Unlike the passive passengers on planes, we play active roles on the open road. But driving isn’t free, as gas station signs attest. Cars aren’t free from danger, high costs, mechanical and human errors, dilapidation, or theft. The greatest road hazards aren’t mechanical, they’re other drivers. 

Cars are more reliable than many people — perhaps in fourth place after our families, friends and dogs.  

“Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear.” Humorist Dave Barry.

Our cars become masks, enhancing our speed and egos while blurring our identities as we act less kindly toward others at 65 miles an hour than we would on foot.

“How many times have you been on the freeway and had someone fly by you at 100 mph then end up two cars ahead of you at the off ramp? What's the point?” Actor Mark Harmon.

We anthropomorphize our autos. Some automakers give them names that sound vaguely human: Miata, Elantra, Camaro, Gladiator, Pilot, and Rogue, for example.

“I had to stop driving my car for a while ... the tires got dizzy.” Comedian Steven Wright.

We tell our personal stories on vanity license plates. Mine reads ENERJYZ, a phonetic Star Trek reference that marks me as a nerd, as if that were necessary. People affix decals and stickers to their cars that tell the world their political preferences, alma maters, and group affiliations. A sticker can tell a joke or graphically depict the owner’s personalities. There are two stickers portraying Calvin (of “and Hobbes” fame) in out-of-character positions — relieving himself on another car brand’s logo, or praying at the foot of the Cross. These say more about the driver’s attitude than anything Bill Watterson drew.

Yet others use their rear windows to tally the number, gender, and order of birth of family members using stick figures. I’m guessing that’s not to jog their memories.  

  “Never have more children than you have car windows.” Humorist Erma Bombeck.

For some, the connection is visceral.

“The first real thought that I had of something that I might do was to write for car magazines, because I always had a car thing.” Comedian Jerry Seinfeld.

Some defy conformance through the solace and independence of driving.

“Rebellion is what you make of it. When you've been on a tour bus for two months straight, and then you get in your car and drive wherever you want, that can feel rebellious.” Singer Taylor Swift.

Personal travel may be giving way to mass transportation but has been with us since the invention of legs. In one form or another, it’s here to stay.

Louie@CoastsideNewsGroup.com enjoys audiobooks while commuting.