April is National Poetry Month, an event marked annually by a great national “Ho!” followed by an even greater national “hum.” Outside of rap music, poetry seems to be a dying art form, and the only decent thing to do is to put poetry out of its misery. Thus, this week’s column. If this doesn’t kill it, nothing will.
This will not be one of those intellectually deep poems — that T.S. or B.S. Eliot: “April is the cruelest month, blah, blah, blah, the red rock means something, you figure it out, blah, blah + 97 more pages.” No, this shall be an utterly brainless pean to the people of our beloved Coastside, whose names I shall proceed to take in verse, though not in vain:
Oh! Al Alifano, our mayor, true. Cafe Capistrano, this one’s for you, too.
To our publisher, Bill Murray, and White Elephant’s curry.
Oh, Pimentel, oh Morris Bell!
To James Yeo, Jerry Valadao, Jan Cooke and Bob Look.
Coastsiders all, blest ones among us.
John Mosely, Don Horsely, Borsini-Burr an’ Lisa Curran!
Oh, Patridge, oh Strawbridge, oh Dan and Deanne Kelly!
Cherie Torre, Mark Foyer, and bread from Arcangeli!
Huzzah for Pam Izzo, kudos for Steve Pizzo.
Oh praise Mezza Luna, and also Pasta Moon-a.
Bless Charise McHugh; don’t forget Simon Yu.
A toast to Lesley Garden, and Carolyn Harden.
Oh, Siegfried Schickenberg and Lewis Nerenberg!
(Let’s hope that the Spell Check made it through that.)
A cheer for Ruben Haro, and Aida Navarro,
Joe Flynn, Mill Rose Inn, and even my cat.
For your back, see Mark Heath, but Ray Sheppard for teeth.
Hardware? Ocean Shore! God bless Tamara Moore,
Joe Angelini, Gene Pacini and Paula Garat.
Oh, January Hooker , and also Elaine Booker
Bev Ashcraft, Amber Kraft, and dear Dianne Charlton.
Let’s sing of Bettencourts, Ruedinger and Renate Ports,
Of Stan Pastorino’s, and auto shop, Gino’s,
Of our own Jerry Bello, the late, great Mel Mello, and, yes,
Katarina Affeltranger, and thanks to Ray Langer (without whose
Assistance I’d never have rhymed her).
To Alena Jean’s flowers and also Ann Bowers.
Santa’s Trees, Darlene Lees, Elkus Ranch the Long Branch,
Princeton Seafood and Vicki Osgood (I know they don’t rhyme),
Our bar, San Benito, Tres Amigos’ burrito, David Chen, Haltermen.
Oh, hail, Amarante, Natalie Mazzanti,
Twice as Nice, Colin Price, Cetrella, Frank Vella,
Giusti (that Bruno) and Jorge Garduno.
To Brian Beresini and Wayne Cardellini, Andreottis, Piccolottis,
Cozzolino, Pedalino, Andreini, Bandini. (Hey, this sounds Italian!)
To Ocean Colony and Polani, we give a medallion.
Oh, Dorothy Bloom, oh Amy Groome, Landis Shores, House O’ Doors
Duarte’s, Coastal Arts, Miramar Beach, Debra Leach,
Goats farmed by Harley. Pescadero’s K. Marley, Steve Simms and C. Sims,
Oh, Rice, Vice, and Fraser.
Rose Serdy, B.J. Purdie, Feed & Fuel, Reed and Buell.
Shely Pack, Richard Mack, I.D.E.S., Jose Diaz.
Oh, Sea Crest, the school, and Secrest, the David.
We’ll end with Mary Lazer.
Quip Tide regrets any mis-spellings or false rhymes in this week’s column. Just so we don’t bore ya, we’ll even rhyme Castoria, a.k.a.,